people frequently ask what it's like living life in a foreign country. being a special educator, i thought of comparing it to Asperger's Syndrome. though the analogy falls short in many ways, and though i fear i am trivializing this particular Autism Spectrum Disorder, it works well... kinda. basically, this is about adjusting to the social norms.
1. sometimes you're not really sure what the cultural values are through simple observation. you can watch and watch and watch and still not get it, or misinterpret it, similar to the child with AS who is trying to figure out how to interact with people effectively by standing back. you try to watch for a pattern, an algorithm, but sometimes it's illogical and random. sometimes it is better to ask straight up, like, "will you be my friend?" instead of just hovering about.
2. you have a whole new set of social norms to wade through, and every other day there seem to be more to learn. ok, so here in guatemala they kiss to greet each other. men don't kiss other men, they shake hands. women kiss men, and vice versa. kids kiss women, but do they kiss the men? do kids kiss other kids? high schoolers do. that's handy for those hormone bags. and, is this a real peck on the cheek or a pretentious air kiss? and then is it on one side, or both? if on one side, which side? oh, aim left. they all aim left. wait are they coming in for a hug? this was not part of the first week of observation!
3. people know you're different and already treat you that way, or ignore you. i've worked with more than a few kids (and probably adults) with AS over the years and have taken data on how they interact with their neurologically-typical peers. sometimes they are already treated differently. sometimes that treatment seems neutral and objective (as in, i know you're different but it's cool), sometimes it's condescending and patronizing but seemingly positive, and sometimes it's outright mean and mocking.
1. sometimes you're not really sure what the cultural values are through simple observation. you can watch and watch and watch and still not get it, or misinterpret it, similar to the child with AS who is trying to figure out how to interact with people effectively by standing back. you try to watch for a pattern, an algorithm, but sometimes it's illogical and random. sometimes it is better to ask straight up, like, "will you be my friend?" instead of just hovering about.
2. you have a whole new set of social norms to wade through, and every other day there seem to be more to learn. ok, so here in guatemala they kiss to greet each other. men don't kiss other men, they shake hands. women kiss men, and vice versa. kids kiss women, but do they kiss the men? do kids kiss other kids? high schoolers do. that's handy for those hormone bags. and, is this a real peck on the cheek or a pretentious air kiss? and then is it on one side, or both? if on one side, which side? oh, aim left. they all aim left. wait are they coming in for a hug? this was not part of the first week of observation!
3. people know you're different and already treat you that way, or ignore you. i've worked with more than a few kids (and probably adults) with AS over the years and have taken data on how they interact with their neurologically-typical peers. sometimes they are already treated differently. sometimes that treatment seems neutral and objective (as in, i know you're different but it's cool), sometimes it's condescending and patronizing but seemingly positive, and sometimes it's outright mean and mocking.
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